So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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