Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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