All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
