I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
