i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
