Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
