And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
