i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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