just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
