I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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