He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I AM VODKA MAN
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
