1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
