my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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