drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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