Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
