Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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