Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
