Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
