It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
