I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They took my balls.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
