btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
