god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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