he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have fence marks all over my body
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
