i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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