One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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