allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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