I faked an abortion last night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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