i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
