The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
