I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
