So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
