I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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