...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
