"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
