I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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