So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
