I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
