what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
