I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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