sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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