I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
