1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
