My nipple is on Facebook.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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