i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
