god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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