I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
