Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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