Say something about gay babies.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
