I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
