dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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