when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
